Worry

There's no toilet paper in the house. I'm not breaking down and buying it this time either. I have bought the vast majority of toilet paper for the house in the 9 weeks we have been here, and considering we go through a roll a day, that’s quite a bit.

Maybe I'll take some from an on-campus bathroom, but the rolls are so huge its hard to ride my bike back from work with a 50 pound roll of toilet paper. The past few days have kinda been like camp. Everywhere I go I think "where am I and should I use the bathroom while I can?" Its tons of fun!

Ok, now to the deep stuff. Does every relationship have a different feeling to it? The one I'm in now feels completely different than the last one. It kinda worries me and maybe it shouldn't. It’s like that feeling of attraction or that "spark" I had for him is less than it was before. However, despite this he makes me feel wonderful about myself. I've never been treated this well before.

I feel almost like something is missing. But does that just come with time? It’s been a long time since my last relationship started...almost a year. I can't remember how it felt at the beginning. I do know that by the end I always wanted to be near him. Often if he wasn't there I would just think to myself "I wish he was here." While I do that now, it just doesn't feel quite the same and I don't think I do it that much.

I know that I loved my ex-boyfriend very much. Even now I know that I loved him, it wasn't just something I said. However, this love let him get away with a lot of stuff. Love is forgiving like that, but maybe probably mine was too forgiving.

Maybe I just need time for that same feeling to develop. Maybe I have realized that that "want him around all the time" feeling isn't good...or it didn't work the last time and I just ended up getting hurt.

Why do I worry so much? Whatever happens...happens, right? That’s what I like to tell myself, but it can be hard to believe or to stick to. Sometimes it’s hard the see the positive things.

I really shouldn't worry about boys so much...that was on the list.

You know, it just occurred to me that maybe I am trying too hard to like him. I mean, I'm not saying that I don't like him; it’s just that maybe I am too concerned with trying to make this thing work out or make it feel just right. Maybe if I stopped worrying it would actually be easier.

Ok, I am gonna get back to work now, you see how dedicated I am to my job. Anway, I think I will try to worry less today (is that possible, or will I just worry about worrying?).